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Managing perfectionism

January 30th, 2025

Kimberly O’Brien, PhD, LICSW

Many high achieving athletes struggle with perfectionism, which involves feeling the need to be perfect in every aspect of their play. Many factors contribute to perfectionism, including high expectations from coaches, teammates, and parents, self-imposed and societal pressure to be at your best in all circumstances, social comparison, and fear of failure and criticism. 

There can be many advantages to perfectionism. Athletes who have perfectionistic tendencies typically have great attention to detail, high motivation, and relentlessly pursue their goals. However, when perfectionism is not managed well, it can contribute to high stress, anxiety, depression, and frequently leads to burnout. Perfectionism can also foster high levels of self-criticism and develop a fear of failure that can prevent future success.

While there is nothing wrong with wanting to play your best, it is important that athletes seek excellence rather than perfection. The pursuit of perfection does not allow for mistakes and setbacks that athletes can learn from to be better. Sometimes you can give your best effort and execute skills to the best of your ability, but you still come up short. 

Athletes often worry that if they stop trying to be perfect their performance will suffer. Although this is a common and natural fear, what athletes typically find when they switch their fixed mindset (perfection) to a growth mindset (excellence) is that they enjoy their sport more, have more energy and positive mood, and achieve more than they thought possible because they have given themselves the permission to fail and learn from it.

Tips to manage perfectionism:

  1. Focus on the effort you are putting in, rather than what happens in the end. So much of what happens in a game or a competition is out of your control, so to evaluate yourself based on uncontrollable aspects is unhelpful.
  2. Make sure the goals you set are realistic and attainable, and focused on the process rather than outcome. For example, instead of setting a goal of points in a season, set a goal for creating offensive opportunities.
  3. Celebrate the small wins. Don’t forget to acknowledge all the good things that happen along the journey of your pursuit of your goals. Good plays, consistent effort, and small milestones should be focused on to build joy and momentum.
  4. Don’t allow negative thoughts or self-talk to get in the way of your confidence. Even the best players have bad days. Treat yourself with compassion and forgiveness on those days and remember that making mistakes is part of the process of improvement.
  5. Seek support from others when you are struggling. It can be helpful to get the perspective of a teammate or coach you respect when you aren’t playing your best to get you out of your head and perhaps find some concrete solutions.

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